I realize now what Se’kasha meant by me being the tin man.
I realize why I trust no one and push away. Its not because I’ve always been lonely or this way.
I just remembered I was happy once. I had people I could trust.
They died. They mattered and they died. They loved me and I loved them and when they died, my heart died with them. My happiness died with them and all that is left is a hollow heart that cannot love of trust, but seeks to cause damage and heartache.
And even though this pain will always remain in me, it will not cripple me. So Lucas, Lana, Emmanuel, I am sorry, I have been unfocused but no more. To all the girls I’ve hurt. It was all my fault, I played you into loving a monster, no excuses will be made. Lara, Emily, Chikere, Katherine, Katie, and most of all the one who I hurt the most, Se’kasha Joyce Beckwith, I hope you find happiness, true happiness and satisfaction and someone deserving of your love.

Goodbye.

PS

THE “FRIENDS”: Both Good and Bad, The Leeches, and the Takers, They taught me how to be a good friend to those around me

THE EX’s: LMR in particular, no one knew me like her, no one witnessed the evil in me like her, and then she came back for more. whilst CNN was my first love, and the one that showed me I was capable of such emotion, LMR showed me how to be good to women

THE MISCELLANEOUS: Those randos that come and go as they will, those who seek to advice you, the professors, good and bad, the figures of authority

Everyone has taught me something valuable and I am forever grateful.